“Unfortunately, there is a segment of the population who find it impossible to show compassion. They are referred to as ‘bullies’… According to the University of Chicago, using MRIs of the brains of bullies, it’s possible that bullies cannot be re-educated. The study shows a “disruption in the natural empathetic response. In other words, in spite of the fact that most bullies spend their time calling other people “crazy,” it’s their brains that are wired differently. They actually derive pleasure from seeing others in pain.” (from an excellent blog: http://compassionkindnessandlove.blogspot.co.uk)
So, bearing this in mind… here is my (current) rant:
On the UK ‘Wowcher’ website, was a really cheap (well, I guess you get what you pay for, mwaa-ha-haaa), online, introduction to ‘Art Therapy’ course. As I can’t afford a ‘real’ art therapist (because I’m such a sad-sack), I thought I would cheat and use this to get some ideas and tips, on how to sort of self-medicate, through art.
The first module includes an introduction to the concept of ‘Compassion Focused Therapy.’ I’m no expert (far from it), and I’m sure the person (or persons) who invented this new form of therapy probably meant well (that is, if they weren’t just out to trick vulnerable people, into handing over lots of money, for just another trendy therapy technique… that doesn’t work).
The arguments in favour of it sound interesting… but one thing struck me (you may tell me I’ve got it completely wrong and totally misunderstood). It just seems to have been invented by another extrovert, who is again telling introverts to just ‘pull themselves together’ and ‘snap out of it,’ by deliberately developing ‘compassionate’ feelings towards all the negative people (including bullies and abusers) in their life (bearing in mind, that it is commonly known that abusive people make their victims feel ‘guilty,’ and twist everything around, so that the poor victim becomes convinced that the abuse is their fault, as if they deserved it).
Excuse my bad language, but… erm… ahem… FOR F***S SAKE! Bullies & abusers tend to seek out and target people who are NATURALLY COMPASSIONATE, naturally gentle, naturally forgiving – the type of person who’s sweet nature ALREADY compels them, to try to understand others and see the good in everyone (including, at first, the perpetrator). Narcissists wrongly believe compassion and empathy to be ‘weak.’ It’s said that bullies/abusive people see and envy the goodness in others, that they themselves are incapable of ever being/doing/feeling (even if they try to put on a fake, charming persona, that might fool most people… but it doesn’t fool sensitive, intuitive people, who see right through them).
As soon as they see a sensitive person has figured them out – that’s it – they start making their life absolute hell.
Also, these therapists appear to be saying just ‘suck it up,’ and ‘just deal with it’ – don’t complain, don’t stand up for yourself, don’t ask for the suffering to stop, don’t say anything. HELLO? Abusive personalities RELY ON THE VICTIM’S SILENCE. They deliberately instil as much fear as possible into their victims, in order to make them afraid to speak up (out of self defence), which unfortunately encourages the bully to continue their abuse. Just look at the statistics regarding domestic violence: battered wives, on average, are assaulted 35 times before they phone the police for the first time, and it will take them 7 attempts before they escape the abuse and leave permanently. Why? Because the abuser plays upon the victim’s sympathy (i.e. their compassionate nature), to manipulate and persuade them to keep on (and on, and on) forgiving them (so that they can continue the abuse).
The module material is actually says things like, “…it is your responsibility to alleviate your suffering.” Hang on a minute… in 2 of my previous workplaces, 1 member of staff threw a rugby ball at my head (in front of other staff, who of course joined in the laughing)… another colleague walked past my chair and slapped my head (in front of our manager and supervisor, who did nothing)… of course I felt upset (it physically hurt me and was thoroughly humiliating)… of course, the LAST thing on my mind was “oh, oh, the poor workplace bully – poor them, for physically hurting me, poor them for being a viscious b***ard.” Despite both workplaces having ‘policies’ against this type of behaviour (erm, physical assault), the Human Resources departments have no interest in stopping & preventing bullying at work (they always blame the victim and expect them to just shut up and put up with the behaviour… much like these therapists appear to, also).
This exact same attitude, of people in authority (e.g. workplace management or school teachers etc), as well as bystanders (workplace colleagues, or other students), of ignoring and allowing violence (whether physical or psychological) to occur, without standing up to bullies and saying to them: NO! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO IS F**KED UP! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO BEHAVE TOWARDS OTHER HUMAN BEINGS IN A COMPASSIONATE MANNER! STOP YOUR BULLYING AND ABUSE RIGHT NOW! This is the real reason why there is any suffering in the world at all today. If bullies were dealt with properly, there would be no wars, no rape, no child abuse, no-school-bullying-related-suicides, no murder, no famine due to government corruption, no-financial-elder-abuse, no domestic violence, no crime, no racism, no discrimination, no class-ism etc etc. It’s all a form of abuse, caused by people who were bullies as children (at school or at home to their siblings), who have never been reprimanded and therefore have continued their behaviour into adulthood.
This module also says that anyone who experiences suffering should be ‘non-judging and non-condemning.’ HELLO?! If nobody condemns bullying and abusive behaviour, the perpetrators just get away with it and carry on!
Why does nobody ever say to the bullies/abusers, “It is YOUR responsibility to alleviate YOUR aggression, spitefulness, jealousy, anger, violent behaviour…etc,” instead of always blaming the victim? Maybe because the managers or teachers tend to be bullies themselves, so they back up the perpetrators (instead of putting a stop to the suffering they cause).
I’m becoming more and more disappointed with people who work in therapy or (UK NHS) mental health, and more and more convinced that these fields attract people who are financially abusive towards vulnerable (i.e. suffering) people. I DON’T mean this about Psychiatric doctors (every one of them I’ve seen has come across as genuine). I just mean the quacks who make a lot of money, out of new fads and make up reasons to prolong/extend a course of therapy (to make more money)… or NHS staff, who manage to blag their way into a cushy job (which they’re highly unlikely to ever get sacked from, because of the unions), but are completely useless and uninterested, and just sit around doing nothing (I’ve seen this on 2 different inpatient psychiatric wards), or outpatient staff who make up excuses to discharge patients off their caseload, as quickly as possible (by lying in their paperwork… and yes, I have proof, from copies of my medical records).
OK… rant over!